u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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