I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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