also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
