Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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