Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
