dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
