I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
