I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize