Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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