Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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