weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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