I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
