There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
