Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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