One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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