Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
