You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
