Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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