I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
