i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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