My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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