I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They took my balls.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
