Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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