No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
