i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
