my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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