I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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