I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
