You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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