After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
