I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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