I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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