It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
