who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is wine microwaveable?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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