I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
