it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
