and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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