so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
