u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
