It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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