were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
