There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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