Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
