i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
