Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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