Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
