Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
