I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
