It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
