Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
