we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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