Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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