i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
