She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
