also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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