My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Will exercising make me less horny?
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