yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
