I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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