There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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