Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
