I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
